The Blogs I Read

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Rooker: Hero or Criminal?

Pretend for a minute that you are a 4 year old boy named Rooker Jay Lyman.

Its a normal day.
You wake up, find some swords and immediately start clearing the house of all the dragons, demons, and monsters that have accumulated throughout the night. Your keen senses allow to see beyond the disguise of a bed or a pillow or a dresser. With swooshing sounds, you plunge your swords deep into the wooden or feathered materials thereby vanquishing the foul beasts back to the nothing from whence they came. Scanning the rooms for more intruders, all you find is beds and blankets and laundy baskets having returned back to their previous normal state before they were defiled by their possessors.

So you sheath your swords back into the toy box. You remove your batman cape and your dads protective googles and head out into the normal world a hero.

Or so you thought.

What you failed to notice could be your greatest and last mistake ever. The leather couch has become a GIANT wretched monster never before seen. All hope seems lost. You have but seconds to make your move. The fate of your entire house depends on it.

Acting on pure instinct, you run as fast as you can straight into the kitchen and grab the most dangerous of all weapons.
The steak knife!
It gleems in the sunlight and causes the befouled couch to pause... but that is all you need. With lightning speed you plunge that steak knife DIRECTLY INTO THE CENTER CUSHION. Never have you heard such a blood-curdling scream in your whole life... but wait, that doesnt sound.. right.... and its coming.. from the other side.. of the room... and it sounds like..... MOM!!!


MARIE said...

Laughin' Out Loud!!! How old is this couch? Let's just be thankful he murdered the couch and not the cat or something much worse. ( :

Unknown said...

Oh boy, lookin' forward to having my own wild Lyman boys. Great narrative, Mark.

Anonymous said...

sweet story, I love the great turn around at the end. New York Times gives it 2 thumbs way way up. A definate must see for the family. Tune in next time for, Real-time Rooker Adventures.